I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize