She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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