I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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