Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Randomize
