woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
