have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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