He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I AM VODKA MAN
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
