I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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