Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
