just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
