is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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