My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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