my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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