I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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