Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
