As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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