I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
