I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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