Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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