therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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