his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
