Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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