I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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