I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I came so hard my ears popped.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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