Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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