I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
