I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
