So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
