just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
