You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
