I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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