there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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