Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize