So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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