what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
