we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
