Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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