The maid of honor just puked.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
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