Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
