It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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