We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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