He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
