Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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