loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
