just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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