I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
why do cheetos always look like penises
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
