i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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