you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
