he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
