weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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