I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
