I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
