I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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