I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
