Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sorry about my life...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
