Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize