Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
