Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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