where am i from again
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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