i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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