I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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